i now name you Finn!

15Oct07

ok… as if i hadn’t realised the wrong Finnish habits i’m getting here, Dima showed me today this arcticle taken from the Helsinki Sanomat. It’s way too funny, and people who have been contacted in any way by Finnish life-forms or have stepped onto their grounds they will know exactly what I mean
These are some highlights of the article for those who are as lazy as meself:

You Know You Have Been In Finland Too Long, When…

2. When a stranger on the street smiles at you: a. you assume he is drunk; b. he is insane; c. he’s an American

1. You rummage through your plastic bag collection to see which ones you should keep to take to the store and which can be sacrificed to garbage.

3. You don’t think twice about putting the wet dishes away in the cupboard to dry.
4. A friend asks about your holiday plans and you answer: “Oh, I’m going to Europe!” meaning any other Western European country outside Scandinavia.
5. You see a student taking a front row seat and wonder “Who does he think he is!!??”
6. Silence is fun.
The national characteristic of polite reserve, currently being remodelled as people talk energetically into their Nokias and run up huge phone bills on mobile internet or TV chat-channels. The old stereotype of “talkative as a Finn” is becoming endangered as the country grows increasingly urbanised and people have to communicate.

7. The reason you take the ferry to Stockholm or Tallinn is:
a. duty free vodka
b. duty free beer
c. to party heartily…no need to get off the boat in Stockholm or Tallinn, just turn around and do it again on the way back to Finland.

8. Your coffee consumption exceeds 6 cups a day and coffee is too weak if there is less than two spoonfuls per person.
10. Your native language has seriously deteriorated, now you begin to “eat medicine”, “open the television”, “close the lights off”, and tell someone: “you needn’t to!”. Expressions like “Don’t panic” creep into your everyday language.
11. You associate pea soup with Thursday.
12. Your idea of unforgivable behaviour now includes walking across the street when the light is red and there is no walk symbol, even though there are no cars in sight.
13. Your notion of street life is reduced to the few teenagers hanging out in front of the railway station on Friday nights.
Again… it’s not quite that bad…there are lots of teenagers.
14. Sundays no longer seem dull with all the stores closed, and begin to feel restful instead.
15. You finally stop asking your class “Are there any questions?”
A wise teacher will only ask this question seconds before the bell. This minimizes the awkward silence, and gives everyone a good feeling that they would have asked a question, but…

16. Your old habit of being “Fashionably late” is no longer acceptable. You are always on time.
17. Hugging is reserved for sexual foreplay.
18. You refuse to wear a hat, even in -30°C weather.
19. You hear loud-talking passengers on the train. You immediately assume:
a. they are drunk
b. they are Swedish-speaking
c. they are Americans
d. all of the above.

20. You no longer look at sports pants as casual wear, but recognize them as almost formal wear.
Almost??
21. You have undergone a transformation:
a. you accept mustamakkara (Black blood sausage) as food
b. you accept alcohol as food
c. you accept.

23. You no longer have to search for the flushing mechanism.
How dare you! Finnish toilets are the envy of the known world. The little bidet shower that you often get next to the loo ranks amongst the finest inventions of modern man – or woman – and its absence in countries such as the US is one more reason to be proud of our European heritage. The loss to the language of “Pull the chain” is a small price to pay for luxury commodes.

25. You just love Jaffa.
This carbonated orange beverage is supposed to be the panacea for upset tummies. I find it spoils a perfectly decent gin.

26. You’ve come to expect Sunday morning sidewalk vomit dodging.
27. You know that “religious holiday” means “let’s get pissed.”
28. You enjoy salmiakki.
29. You know that “Gents” is another term for sidewalk.
31. When you’re hungry you can peel a boiled potato like lightning.
32. You’ve become lactose intolerant.
Milk is still drunk at the family dinner table, although beer, OJ, and even – gosh! – wine are making inroads on this custom.

33. You accept that 80°C in a sauna is chilly, but 20°C outside is freaking hot.
34. You know how to fix herring in 105 different ways.
35. You eat herring in 105 ways.
37. You can’t understand why people live anywhere but in Finland.
Well, you can’t really call it “living”, now can you? I mean they just “eke out an existence” elsewhere. And one good thing about this place (touch wood) is that with the sole exception of the summer mosquitoes, we don’t have many of the “Acts of God” that so often beset places that are warmer, more glamorous, and where the booze is cheap and plentiful. Which is nice.

Filed under: Anglijskij, Finnish, Pinky and the Brain, Places   |  5 Comments
Tags: customs, finland, Finnish, tradition